Brute Reason

A collection of thoughts about psychology, social justice, and anything else I give a shit about. freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason

Topics: feminism / psychology / lgbtq / sex / politics / abortion / health / mental illness / language / depression / sexism / sexual assault / fashion / racism / education / social justice

my actual writing, if you're curious

I totally feel like I’ve ranted about this before, but I’ll do it again anyway. It annoys me when people think that “Nice Guy/Girl” means being sad that someone doesn’t want to be “more than friends” with you. Guys. IT IS NORMAL TO BE SAD IF YOU’RE SOMEONE’S FRIEND BUT YOU WANT TO DATE THEM BUT THEY DON’T WANT TO DATE YOU. This is a normal, healthy, expected, understandable psychological reaction. It is even, I’d add, normal to think that you’d make a better partner for someone you really like than the person they’re currently seeing. Is this necessarily accurate or fair? Maybe not, but feelings don’t have to be accurate or fair to be legitimate.

However, it is a sign of *entitlement* to claim that just because you were nice to someone/a good friend, they OUGHT to date you. That’s being a Nice Guy/Girl. That’s believing that people are machines that if you put Kindness Coins into, Sex comes out, and if it’s not coming out, it’s a fucking broken machine, goddammit, someone needs to come fix this thing so I can get my money back.

So:

"Man, I really wish [friend] were dating me instead of [friend’s partner]": not Nice Guy/Girl.
"Man, I was so nice to [friend] but they’re dating [friend’s partner] instead of me, what the fuck? [Guys/girls] always go for the [jerks/bitches]": Nice Guy/Girl.

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    I need to print this out for a certain someone.
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