Brute Reason

A collection of thoughts about psychology, social justice, and anything else I give a shit about. freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason

Topics: feminism / psychology / lgbtq / sex / politics / abortion / health / mental illness / language / depression / sexism / sexual assault / fashion / racism / education / social justice

my actual writing, if you're curious

I look at compersion as a nice-to-have, a goal you should strive towards if you can do it. But “compersion” is often used as a club to smack people down for having feelings, and too many people have feelings of jealousy or fear or concern or even outrage to just dismiss them wholesale.

If all you ever feel when your lover’s off smooching someone else is happiness? That’s awesome! I envy you! I, however, often feel happiness mixed with fear that I’ll be replaced, and jealousy that New Guy can do things for her that I can’t (or else why would she be dating a carbon copy of me?), and it’s difficult enough to get past those feelings without the extra layer of “Oh, I must be bad at this if I have doubts.”

Why “Compersion” Should Not Be The Base Value Of Polyamory | Ferrett Steinmetz

I love this. Like, you know what’s REALLY not helpful? “COMPERSION IS REALLY GOOD YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE HAPPY WHEN YOUR PARTNERS ARE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE AND IF YOU’RE NOT HAPPY THEN YOU’RE NOT BEING A GOOD PARTNER TO THEM AND IT’S PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE INSECURITY PROBLEMS” well actually yes I do, thanks for noticing. Now what? Not date anyone until I’ve had a 5-year course of therapy?

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