Brute Reason

A collection of thoughts about psychology, social justice, and anything else I give a shit about. freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason

Topics: feminism / psychology / lgbtq / sex / politics / abortion / health / mental illness / language / depression / sexism / sexual assault / fashion / racism / education / social justice

my actual writing, if you're curious

[TW: sexual assault]

In response to the idea that when it comes to consent you should ask for a “yes” rather than wait for a “no,” some people say, “Well, if they wanted me to stop they should’ve said so.”

…But then you’re kinda saying that being sexually assaulted is an appropriate consequence for being too shy or scared to speak up, or not knowing which words to use or thinking of them fast enough to stop what’s happening. Believe it or not, things like this are not instinctual for many people. For many people, acquiescence and silence are what’s instinctual.

I want everyone to learn to be comfortable telling someone to stop, but this has to go both ways. The sort of callousness exemplified by that statement suggests that the other person has NO responsibility to check in with or pay attention to their partner. How can a collaborative, mutually respectful relationship or encounter possibly work that way? Do you want sex to be something you do TO your partner, or WITH them?

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