A big part of the reason why I am a feminist is because I don’t want to relate to Brian simply as a provider of paychecks, an opener of jars, a lifter of heavy shit. I want to be able to help provide the paychecks. I want to be able to open my own jars, and open them for him too. I want to be able to help move the heavy sofa instead of sitting around watching him struggle on his own. I want to be his partner in our relationship, and for me that means pitching in and helping with everything, not just the tasks that don’t require a lot of muscle.
If you asked me to list the top million things I like about Brian, his ability to open jars and lift heavy things might show up somewhere in the 990,000s. Here are things that would show up long before: because he makes me laugh, because we have the best conversations over Sunday morning coffee, because I like the way he smells and the way the skin around his eyes crinkles when he smiles at me and the hair on the back of his hands, because he decided to read War and Peace this summer, because he picked out “The Punk Singer” for us to watch one night, because he does funny dances just to make me smile, because he has a way about him that makes people want to open up to him within hours of meeting him. There are so many things I love about my husband, and almost none of them have to do with his grip strength.
I find some CBT techniques super useful, especially the more behavioral ones. For other ones…I share some other people’s frustrations in that, for me, it doesn’t really feel like I just have thoughts and then I have emotions in response. It’s more like I feel really sad/shitty all the time, and that makes me sit there and think about sad things rather than doing more productive things. So, sometimes forcing myself to do things helps, but it’s also really hard to do things when I’m constantly sad.
And to clarify, I’m definitely not really “trying” DBT right now since I already know it just frustrates me. That post was more of a response to the fact that people are always recommending it to me. Different strokes for different folks!
I guess I could never quite buy into the DBT-style “feel your feelings”/”just learn to sit with the emotions for a while” thing. What if I don’t have time? What if I need to do things? What if I need to go to work go to class clean do errands keep my promises make food take showers? And that’s the bare minimum, the things I MUST do rather than the things I want to do in order for my life to be something more than just a series of tasks.
I don’t have time to sit around and cry and “feel my feelings” every day for hours, so I have to look elsewhere for the techniques that’ll help me cope with depression.
So as a teacher, I want to say: Weird Al can think what he wants about language, and you the audience can laugh along or not, depending on your views on language or taste in music or whatever. But please do not mistake the video itself for an educational video. It will not teach students about language. It will not teach students about grammar. I’ve seen many comparisons to Schoolhouse Rock, but would any student who didn’t already know what a “preposition” was leave Weird Al’s video understanding it? No. Rather, on its face, this video teaches people that there is a right way to speak/write, and if you don’t do things that way, you’re a bad person (or a sewer person? or a person with a disability?) who should not breed. Nothing about how language works, or why these “rules” are what they are.